i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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