i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
