I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
