I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
