those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
