I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
