Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Randomize
