Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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