I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
