The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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