so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
