RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
