Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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