I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
