THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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