Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
