I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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