A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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