Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
