Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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