I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
