i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
