I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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