So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
