She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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