Barsexuality is the new black.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize