Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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