I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Randomize
