Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
