Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize