I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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