so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
