mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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