I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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