She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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