Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
