Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
