So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
