take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize