I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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