At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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