At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize