i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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