We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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