I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Never joke about your clitoris.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
