Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
