He told me they were just razor bumps!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
