So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize