I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
