i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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