No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
