Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He passed out mid-signature
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
