Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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