She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
