Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
