I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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