one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
there is glitter all over my balls
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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