It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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