There is no way he is gay with that hair.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
