You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
