i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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