your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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