that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
