Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My bed smells like the plague
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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