i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
