I'm eating all of the evidence.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
