My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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