ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize