Yo dont text me then not text me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
