I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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