ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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