Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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