why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
