take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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