There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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