DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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