he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize