The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize