I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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