I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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