Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
