this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
