This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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