She's JV to your varsity
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
