I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
