He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
