I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
