i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
