I'm going to jail i love you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
