why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
