I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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