wrigley field is MILF paradise
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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