brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
