Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
