absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
