i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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