I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
