I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize