I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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