dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
