Have you finally orgasmed yet?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
