He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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