If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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