Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
